The Betrothal...

So after this I am completely convinced that when marriages are arranged... they are completely arranged. I read that by accepting the betrothal gifts from the boy's family, the girl's family is accepting, and giving the girl to the boy's family. So betrothals usually last about two years, unless the girl and boy are too young, then they wait until they are old enough to marry.

The boy's family would generally offer betrothal gifts such as money and significant items like tea (I've also learned that tea is much more of a deal than even us foreigners assume! I mean really... Its just a drink... I wouldn't think that it is so significant... but what ever floats your boat I suppose) bridal cakes, pairs of male and female poultry, sweetmeats and sugar, wine and tobacco, accompanied by an itemized statement of these gifts. It looks like the betrothal gifts are pretty much like the ones they give to convince the girl's family to marry. The girl's family would give small things like food and clothing.

So I guess that it is the girl's family's job to send small cakes to all the guests to invite them to the wedding feast. The amount of cakes the friends and relatives received would depend on how old you are or how close you are to the family. And if you receive cakes you are expected to give the family a wedding gift. Thats a little strange, you could just send cakes to all the rich people to get good presents... Haha.

So get this... a few days after the presentation of the betrothal gifts, the girl's family will send a dowry to the guys family. Sometimes with servants that the girl will be moving with. But isn't that a bit strange that the girl's family is paying the guys family to take the girl off their hands. You would think that the guys family would pay a dowry to be allowed to have the girl, but I suppose not. The dowry usually consists of practical items, including a chamber pot, filled for the occasion with fruit and strings of coins.

Source: http://www.chcp.org/wedding.html#betrothal

The Proposal...

Most Chinese weddings were more of a joining of two families instead of the actual joining of the bride and groom, and therefore most marriages were arranged by the parents. Apparently, the grooms family gives the brides family small gifts to see how the brides family feels about the match. If these gifts are accepted, and the family's both feel good about each other, the date and time of the girls birth is placed on an ancestral altar for three days. I suppose that if nothing such as family quarrels or loss of property happens, then they take the date and time of the girls birth to an astrological expert to make sure that the match is good, and if it is, then the brides family takes the same procedure. If all goes well and both the family's feel good about the match, then the grooms family will give the brides family a 'grand gift.' This is a formal occasion where the families both give their blessing. This 'grand gift' might consist of money inside of a red envelope (usually consisting of many nines because nine represents 'forever' in the Chinese culture) and items like tea, "double happiness cake," pair of male and female poultry, sweetmeats and sugar, or maybe wine and tobacco. Tea is an important part of the gift because it a couple should have as many descendants as the tea leaves, and the total items of gifts should be an even number. And after this point, its time to start planning the wedding :)

Sources: http://www.chcp.org/wedding.html#proposal
http://www.chinabridal.com/etiquette/proposal.htm