Wedding Day #3

The actual wedding was super simple. The bride and groom would be conducted to the family altar, where they paid homage to the Heaven and Earth, the family ancestors, and the Kitchen God. Tea, generally with two lotus seeds or two red dates in the cup, was offered to the groom’s parents. The bride and groom would then bow to each other and that would end the ceremony.

Immediately after the ceremony, the bride and groom were led to the bridal chamber. For the rest of the day, the room was open to visitors who could tease the couple.

The wedding banquet was generally a banquet for each family and their friends. The biggest deal was for the grooms family as a public assurance of the wedding.

One day after the wedding, the bride awakens early to be introduced to the grooms family and friends. She is then given a title depending on the grooms seniority in the family hierarchy.

Three days after the wedding, the bride and groom go to the brides family, but the bride is then received as a guest.

Wedding Day #2

The groom has to go and get the bride from her house, and on the way there, there is the dim of firecrackers, loud gongs and drums. The little parade is lead by the groom, followed by a young boy, symbolizing the future sons. And the bridal sedan chair was proceeded by attendants with lanterns and banners, musicians, and a ‘dancing’ lion or unicorn. When the groom gets to the brides house, her friends are waiting there and (get this) won't 'surrender' her until he gives them enough money. In some cases the groom would dine with the brides family with symbolic food.

Then the bride needs to get to the grooms house. The 'good luck woman' and the brides family would carry her on their backs to the bridal sedan chair and and attendant might shield her with a parasol, while another one might throw rice at her. In tougher times, the bride might be brought out in a wooden box with her feet padlocked if she was too reluctant to marry (!!!)

Firecrackers were set off as the bride stepped off the sedan chair to scare away evil spirits. The physical movement symbolized her leaving her family for the groom. The servants that joined her would be carefully chosen and would have to have compatible horoscopes with the bridegroom. The sedan chair itself was heavily curtained to prevent the bride from inadvertently glimpsing an unlucky sight, e.g. a widow, a well, or even a cat. Attendants scattered grain or beans, symbols of fertility, before her.

At the grooms house, more firecrackers would go off, while the bride had to cross a lit stove to cast away bad spirits. At this point the groom could lift the red veil and see the brides face.

The Wedding Day #1

On the actual wedding day, the bride would take a bath infused with pumelo, a variety of grapefruit, to cleanse her of evil influences. She puts on light make up, most likely, only for the skin, and sits in front of some Dragon and Phoenix candles. A 'good luck woman' comes to the wedding preparations and spoke auspicious words, and does her hair in the wedding style. Her hair is a very important part of the wedding, because it symbolizes her entering adulthood. After her hair is done, she climbs onto the back of either her eldest sister in law, or her 'good luck woman' and is brought into the main hall. She then puts on her jacket and a skirt and some red shoes. Her face is covered with either some red beads dangling from her Phoenix bridal crown or a red veil. After the preparations, she bows to her parents, and awaits the the bridal procession from the groom’s house.

The groom dresses in a long dress a red silk sash and red shoes. On his shoulder is a silk ball. The groom kneels at the family altar while his dad places a cap decorated with cypress leaves on his head. He then bows first before the tablets of Heaven and Earth and his ancestors, then to his parents and the assembled family members. His father then takes the silk ball away from his shoulder and places it on the top of the bridal sedan chair.

Preparations for the wedding

Traditionally, in preparation of the wedding, the bride and a few of her closest friends will be secluded into a separate part of the house to mourn of the bride being wed. They will often curse the husband, his family, and even the bride-to-be's family for separating the bride and her friends. The bride would emerge from seclusion on her wedding day.

On the grooms side, preparation was to prepare the wedding bed. The groom would chose someone with a lot of kids (kind of like good luck, cause the more kids you have, the better) and they would 'install' the newly purchased bed for the newlyweds. The funny part is that the servants would be the ones to actually install the bed. The 'installing' that the friend would do was just to move it slightly. It was more of a ceremony than actual labor. For extra fertility, they would have many children scramble the bed for red dates, oranges, lotus seeds, peanuts, pomegranates and other fruits. This all supposedly increased fertility.

Source: http://www.chcp.org/wedding.html#preparations

The Betrothal...

So after this I am completely convinced that when marriages are arranged... they are completely arranged. I read that by accepting the betrothal gifts from the boy's family, the girl's family is accepting, and giving the girl to the boy's family. So betrothals usually last about two years, unless the girl and boy are too young, then they wait until they are old enough to marry.

The boy's family would generally offer betrothal gifts such as money and significant items like tea (I've also learned that tea is much more of a deal than even us foreigners assume! I mean really... Its just a drink... I wouldn't think that it is so significant... but what ever floats your boat I suppose) bridal cakes, pairs of male and female poultry, sweetmeats and sugar, wine and tobacco, accompanied by an itemized statement of these gifts. It looks like the betrothal gifts are pretty much like the ones they give to convince the girl's family to marry. The girl's family would give small things like food and clothing.

So I guess that it is the girl's family's job to send small cakes to all the guests to invite them to the wedding feast. The amount of cakes the friends and relatives received would depend on how old you are or how close you are to the family. And if you receive cakes you are expected to give the family a wedding gift. Thats a little strange, you could just send cakes to all the rich people to get good presents... Haha.

So get this... a few days after the presentation of the betrothal gifts, the girl's family will send a dowry to the guys family. Sometimes with servants that the girl will be moving with. But isn't that a bit strange that the girl's family is paying the guys family to take the girl off their hands. You would think that the guys family would pay a dowry to be allowed to have the girl, but I suppose not. The dowry usually consists of practical items, including a chamber pot, filled for the occasion with fruit and strings of coins.

Source: http://www.chcp.org/wedding.html#betrothal

The Proposal...

Most Chinese weddings were more of a joining of two families instead of the actual joining of the bride and groom, and therefore most marriages were arranged by the parents. Apparently, the grooms family gives the brides family small gifts to see how the brides family feels about the match. If these gifts are accepted, and the family's both feel good about each other, the date and time of the girls birth is placed on an ancestral altar for three days. I suppose that if nothing such as family quarrels or loss of property happens, then they take the date and time of the girls birth to an astrological expert to make sure that the match is good, and if it is, then the brides family takes the same procedure. If all goes well and both the family's feel good about the match, then the grooms family will give the brides family a 'grand gift.' This is a formal occasion where the families both give their blessing. This 'grand gift' might consist of money inside of a red envelope (usually consisting of many nines because nine represents 'forever' in the Chinese culture) and items like tea, "double happiness cake," pair of male and female poultry, sweetmeats and sugar, or maybe wine and tobacco. Tea is an important part of the gift because it a couple should have as many descendants as the tea leaves, and the total items of gifts should be an even number. And after this point, its time to start planning the wedding :)

Sources: http://www.chcp.org/wedding.html#proposal
http://www.chinabridal.com/etiquette/proposal.htm